How to Break Up with Someone... Nicely

Breaking up is never an easy thing. It's emotional, intense, scary and a lot of times we just want relationships to end so we can deal with some kind of internal pain. And getting break up advice from friends or family can be confusing and sometimes a really bad idea. Learning how to breakup with your SO without causing real damage to your self or them is a skill we really want to help people cultivate.

Breaking up with someone in a way that wont hurt your psyche is something that doesnt really get covered much, so we wanted to put together some critical breakup advice that others might not tell you. It's all about getting you to a place that you can move forward without causing lasting psychological damage to you or your former partner. After this article we suggest you read our article "Setting Yourself Up the Breakup Aftermath" so you can ensure a positive, healthy road forward.

We are here to help so if you ever need to talk or get relationship / dating advice feel free to email us hello@lanterndating.com

1) Practice Breaking Up:

Sit down on your couch and pretend your significant other is sitting there. Tell the imaginary person you are ending the relationship and then see how you feel. Before you breakup you have to be really sure it's what you want and sometimes understanding what we want is super super hard. Sometimes the very act of pretending to break up will trigger emotions and feelings inside you didn't know where there. Absence makes the heart grow fonder works in many different ways.

2) Don't Do The "Cold" Breakup

We've all been in a relationship that ends like this. You take forever to answer phone calls or texts. Maybe you don't answer at all. You don't react when they tell you things - aka that cold and emotionless way we are all to familiar with. To break up without causing damage you must break up face to face and honestly. Don't use platitudes or obvious reasons. Be honest about why you are breaking up. Lying to save the other persons ego or dignity isn't going to help them in the long run. Just make sure not to give too much negative feedback so you don't emotionally dump on someone as you are dumping them.

3) Keep the Breakup "Talk" Short:

Keep the breakup talk short and sweet so that your ex can begin processing and moving on as quickly as possible. The more time you spend discussing the breakup the harder it will become. Also breakups can be incredibly intense and emotionally draining so save your break up talk for a time when you are feeling strong. Try not to numb yourself with drugs or alcohol.

4) Don't Ask to "Be Friends" After:

We wall want to preserve the best parts of a relationship and that usualy takes the form of trying to be friends. Asking to "Be Friends" post breakup makes the other person think there is a chance you will change your mind. It's not fair at that moment to put that idea into someone's head. It might happen that you get back together and if it does great but let it happen organically, don't plant the seeds for it as you are breaking up.

5) Only Break Up in Person

Do not break up with someone over text, email or by any other electronic message. There's a certain tear that happens to your soul when you break up with someone over text. You must break up face to face and honestly to really find the closure you're looking for. The break up needs to happen in real time so the other person can process it all at once. No matter how long you were dating someone does not give them less rights to be treated with respect. Have respect for yourself too.

6) Understand That People Will React Differently:

Everyone has a different personality in a relationship, a different set of values and reacts differently to breakups! A broken heart can make people feel and act different. If someone is particularly upset by your break up try your not to let it effect your decision. Often break ups make us question our feelings for this person - and a part of us does still love or like this person (you were together for a reason) so make sure if you change your mind its for a legitimate reason and reflects the current real world issues you are facing.

7) For the love of God- Don't Break Up in Public

A huge piece of advice. Please don't do this. This forces the other person to control their emotions at a very sensitive, difficult time. It might be easier on you because you don't have to deal with the other persons real emotions but you are also not giving yourself the chance to really experience the breakup and find solace. Not to mention is just straight up mean to not give your former partner the opportunity to really express themselves in that moment. Be kind and compassionate and realize that while you might be ready for this to end they might not be and it will be a much harder process for them.

8) Don't Get Drunk During the break up talk:

Alcohol numbs feelings and you break up with someone because they're not right for your life or they're not treating you right. You break up to move on to something better - why numb the pain, why numb the discussion? Also if things get heated it's too easy to go overboard. Save drinking until after your break up talk if you need some help processing but make sure to allow yourself to fully feel the effects of the breakup.

Conclusion:

Break ups are tough and breakups in life can come at a time when you least expect it. Remember break ups happen for a reason and the other person is not always to blame. Sometimes these things just don't work out and it's up to you to make sure there is no lasting psychological damage to you and your former partner. Make sure to break up in person, not over text or email, don't ask someone to "Be friends" after and make sure if you need your space from the other person they give it to you without making you feel guilty about needing some space.

If it's meant to be, it will still happen. You will both grow into a place where you can appreciate the relationship... hell maybe you both just needed a break to see where things could go. But make sure to give yourself time to heal, process and figure out who you and what you want before jumping back in.